Breastfeeding: The Hard Truths That No One Talks About

Before I even got pregnant, I always dreamed about breastfeeding. I had heard from so many mamas the bliss and joy that comes along with nursing your newborn baby. The deep connection and bonding you feel during a breastfeeding session. The moment I found out I was pregnant, I was excited to have this experience as well. 

During my pregnancy, I struggled with fears that I wouldn't be able to breastfeed. I worried that my milk supply would never come in. My OB assured me that there is no point in worrying about this, and I had to wait until after giving birth to see. During my 36 week scan to see how my little was doing, I found out he was breech. Despite all my efforts to flip him, we scheduled a C-Section. My beautiful baby boy came into the world at 39 weeks and 3 days weighing in at 6lb 3oz. He was small, but perfect. We found out that due to his lower birth weight he was having difficulty with his glucose levels and were told he would need to be fed a high calorie formula and be monitored for 24 hours. 

This was a start of what felt like a “failed” start at breastfeeding. My milk supply hadn’t come in yet and I felt so much shame that my baby needed a supplement and a bottle. After a few days, my milk came in and while I felt relief, he still was rejecting my breast. Although the rational part of me knew I was still feeding him with my milk (pumping and bottle feeding) I couldn’t help but feel like a complete failure. I was a few days postpartum, sleep deprived and an emotional mess of sorts. I decided to reach out to a lactation consultant, who has been such a great help. I was advised to use a nipple shield- which has become a lifesaver and also the bane of my existence. Lo and behold a few days later, I was getting him to nurse using the shield and a bottle “bait and switch”. It was exhausting but I was determined to stick with it. 

Now, 3.5 weeks later we are still using the shield but it's getting better. Some feedings are easy and stress free, others are met with a screaming baby and over an hour of effort. My son and I are sometimes covered in milk, and both exhausted afterwards, while other times we are both happy and at peace.  We still use the shield, but I am hoping that will be the next step to wean him off of. Breastfeeding has been the most beautiful and difficult thing I have ever done. 

So, long story short if you are a new mama navigating breastfeeding, you are not alone! It isn’t always the rainbows and butterflies you hear and read about. It’s challenging and exhausting. Whether you are exclusively breastfeeding, exclusively pump feeding, formula feeding or a combo of all of the above- you are a rockstar! Fed is best, so trusting your intuition is the most important thing you can do to keep yourself and your baby healthy and happy. If you're struggling with breastfeeding, there is absolutely no shame in reaching out for support. It is my goal to create a safe space for mamas to be able to openly address breastfeeding and release any shame associated with what feeding your baby looks like.  After all, there is no manual that comes with newborns, or breastfeeding. If you are struggling with breastfeeding, or it isn’t what you imagined it to be- please reach out!